lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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