He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
