If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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