haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
