Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
