It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
