She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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