mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
