Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
