I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
