I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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