The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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