she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
