my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
