were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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