i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
