I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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