Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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