that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
