So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
