So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
