hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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