His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he thought i was a dude.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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