trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize