he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you never un-have a 4some
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
there is puke in my bra ... again
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
