we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
