I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
