I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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