my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
