you guys were way drunker than both of me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
