Your mouth is God's brothel.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
