Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
