I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
