Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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