Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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