Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
