the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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