Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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