Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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