omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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