Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
