Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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