It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
