Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
