Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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