Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
