and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
