i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
