God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
