So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
