i can't believe i had my finger in that
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
