I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
