He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
