Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
