3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
