My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
