anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
