Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
