Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
