so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Enjoy the penises
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
