I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
