he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
