I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Less talking, more tequila
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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