i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
