Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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